The Ally Lab

Attention span of a goldfish?

Mon, 30 Dec 2024 19:03:36 GMT

You've got to be kidding? Your attention span is not that good.

by Simone, MSc Coaching Psychology

4 min read

F un fact: the average human attention span is now a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it 3 seconds . Meanwhile, goldfish—those little swimmers whose big thrill is circling a castle—can focus for a solid 9 seconds . That’s right, folks: we’ve been outdone by a pet that doesn’t even know it’s a pet. Ouch.

Why this is a big deal?

Sure, losing focus might seem harmless, but here’s the kicker: it’s messing with our ability to perform at our best. Scientists have found that task switching —fancy talk for jumping between things like emails, texts, and thinking about dinner—burns through mental energy faster than trying to juggle while walking. Worse, every time you switch, it can take 23 minutes to get back into what you were doing before you switched task. That’s a lot of wasted time when all you wanted was to “quickly check Instagram.”

The real problem? Modern life is a distraction buffet, and we’re stuffing our brains silly. Emails ding, phones buzz, and somehow we’re expected to juggle it all while remembering to drink water. There is a reason why 'brain rot' is named Oxford word of the the year in 2024. But here’s the thing: multitasking doesn’t work . Research proves that trying to do it all not only makes us slower and sloppier, but it also fries our focus for the long haul.

Why are we so easily distracted?

Blame evolution. Back in caveman days, noticing every little thing—a rustling bush, a sudden sound—could save your life (hello, hungry predators). Fast forward to today, and we’re still wired to respond to every new stimulus. The difference? Now, instead of dodging tigers, we’re reacting to group chats and TikToks. Every time you check your phone, your brain gets a hit of dopamine (aka the “yay, I did something” chemical), and just like that, you’re hooked.

Unfortunately, all this dopamine isn’t doing us any favors. Instead, it’s training our brains to jump from one shiny thing to the next, leaving us scattered and stressed. Goldfish, meanwhile, are probably practicing mindfulness in their fishbowls, staring at us disapprovingly.

How to out-focus a goldfish

Ready to reclaim your brainpower? Good news: you don’t need to ditch technology or move to a cabin in the woods. Here are three playful but proven hacks to get your focus back:

Become a time ninja (use the Pomodoro Technique)
Work for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. It’s like sprinting for your brain: short, sharp bursts of effort followed by a quick breather. Research shows it works wonders for staying productive—and it feels amazing to actually finish something.

Mute the madness (turn off notifications)
The ding of your phone is like a siren call for your brain, and research has shown that even hearing it can derail your focus. Silence your notifications and feel the sweet freedom of uninterrupted thought. Bonus: you’ll also look mysterious and busy.

Channel your inner monk (be mindful for 5 minutes)
No chanting required—just sit still and focus on your breath. Research says breathing exercises can boost attention and calm your over-caffeinated brain. Think of it as a spa day for your neurons.

Why it’s worth it

Our goldfish-level attention spans aren’t just funny—they’re keeping us from doing our best work, being present with loved ones, and feeling truly satisfied. The good news? Fixing it doesn’t require magic, just a bit of intentionality. So, turn off those pings, set a timer, and get ready to out-focus even the fanciest fish in the bowl. Your brain—and your to-do list—will thank you.

You are not your thoughts

Sat, 23 Nov 2024 01:27:22 GMT

Cognitive defusion: the most important skill to learn

by Simone, MSc, Coaching Psychology

4 min read

Picture this: your mind is like a radio station, endlessly broadcasting thoughts, opinions, and predictions. Some days it’s “Su nny FM,” and other days it’s “Doom and Gloom 24/7.” Now, imagine you’re driving in your car. When a station you don’t like comes on, do you pull over, argue with the radio, or try to out-shout it? Of course not! You simply notice it, maybe roll your eyes, and switch the channel—or turn the volume down.

This post covers a very important life skill, the art of cognitive defusion , a powerful technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that helps you unstick from unhelpful thoughts and take charge of your own mental journey.

What is cognitive defusion ?

Cognitive defusion is the practice of stepping back from your thoughts rather than getting tangled up in them. Instead of letting them steer the wheel, you learn to see them for what they are: words, ideas, and stories—not facts.

Think of it this way:

If your mind says, “I’m terrible at this,” defusion helps you see it as just a passing thought, like a car driving by your house, rather than something that defines you.
Or, if you’re stuck on “I’ll never find love,” defusion lets you notice that thought, wave at it like an annoying neighbor, and then refocus on what matters—like actually going on that date or texting your friend.

It’s also important to remember: you are not your thoughts. Think of your mind as a wildly creative screenwriter, always spinning dramatic tales. Just because it writes, “You’re a failure” doesn’t mean it’s true—or that you have to act it out! Thoughts are just scripts. Some are helpful, others are nonsense, and your job isn’t to believe them all but to choose which ones are worth following.

Why do thoughts get so sticky?

Our brains are meaning-making machines. They’re designed to notice patterns, solve problems, and warn us about potential threats. Back when our ancestors had to survive predators, this mental stickiness was life-saving: “Hear a growl? Probably a tiger! Run!”

Today, though, the tiger has turned into less immediate but equally sticky thoughts: “What if I fail?” “What if I look stupid?” “I’m not enough.” These thoughts might feel protective (“Stay safe; don’t risk embarrassment!”), but they often trap us, keeping us from the things that bring joy, connection, and meaning.

And let’s not forget memories—our mind’s version of a scrapbook. The problem? It’s more like a scrapbook from your clumsy cousin, who leaves out important details, adds drama, and forgets to include context. That embarrassing moment in middle school? Probably not as bad as your mind insists. We recognize that memories are not facts; they’re interpretations, often flawed and incomplete. Like thoughts, they don’t define you—they’re just postcards from the past.

Everyday metaphors for cognitive defusion

Let’s make this concept come alive with a few real-life examples:

1. The bus driver

Imagine you’re driving a bus, and your thoughts are the passengers. Some are quiet, some are loud, and some yell, “You’re going the wrong way!” You could try to argue with them, but that’s exhausting—and it doesn’t get you where you want to go. Instead, defusion is about staying in the driver’s seat, noticing the chatter, and keeping your focus on the road ahead.

Everyday example: You’re working on a big presentation, and the thought “I’m going to bomb this” starts yelling from the back of your mental bus. Instead of pulling over to argue with it, you say, “Thanks for your input,” and keep practicing.

2. The social media feed

Your mind is like a social media feed, constantly scrolling through posts. Some posts are helpful (“Remember to pick up milk!”), while others are toxic or irrelevant. Cognitive defusion is like learning to scroll past the unhelpful posts without reacting—or even muting that annoying account entirely.

Everyday example: You’re about to go to the gym, and your mind posts: “You’re too out of shape; people will judge you.” Instead of engaging with that post, you let it scroll by and lace up your sneakers anyway.

3. The cloud watching game

Thoughts are like clouds in the sky: they drift in, change shape, and eventually float away. When you’re fused with a thought, it’s like staring at a storm cloud and deciding it’s permanent. Cognitive defusion helps you zoom out and notice that, hey, the sky is still there—and the storm will pass.

Everyday example: You’re stuck in traffic, and the thought “I’ll be late, and everyone will think I’m irresponsible” pops up. Instead of fuming, you take a breath, notice the thought as just a cloud, and let it float by while you tune into a podcast.

Here are some simple, playful techniques to help you unstick from sticky thoughts in your everyday life:

Turn thoughts Into objects

Picture your thought as something silly: “I can’t do this” becomes a talking banana or a squeaky toy. It’s hard to take a thought seriously when it’s wobbling around like a cartoon character.

Use humor

If your mind says, “You’ll mess this up,” respond with, “Thanks, Captain Obvious,” or “Wow, you’ve got quite the imagination!” Humor can take the sting out of even the harshest thoughts.

Label it

Simply label the thought for what it is: “Oh, there’s my ‘I’m not good enough’ thought again.” This helps you notice the pattern without getting hooked.

Why it matters

Thoughts and memories will always come and go—they’re part of being human. But when you learn to step back, you can stop them from steering your life. Instead of being defined by old scripts or faulty snapshots, you can focus on your values, relationships, and actions that bring meaning and joy.

So the next time your mind serves up a dramatic thought or a grainy memory, take a step back, smile, and remember: you’re not your thoughts, you’re not your memories—you’re the director of this movie. And you get to decide what story comes next. ��

Values: the key to motivation

Wed, 20 Nov 2024 06:19:00 GMT

Searching for motivation? Search no longer

by Simone, MSc Coaching Psychologist

4 min read

Imagine you’re on a road trip. You’ve got snacks, a killer playlist, and a tank full of gas. But here’s the catch—you have no map, no destination, and no clue where you’re going. Fun for the first hour, and for some of us maybe even 24 hours. But pretty soon, some of the landmarks are looking vaguely familiar and you are pretty sure you may be really, really lost.

Values, are a bit like your GPS. Only, they don’t just point you in the right direction—they remind you why the journey matters in the first place. And unlike that out-of-date sat-nav your dad insists still works, values never steer you wrong. Values are key to motivation - just like autonomy, relatedness and competence - yet most of the people we work with have trouble really naming their values.

What are values? (hint: they’re not goals)

Values aren’t check-boxes on a to-do list. They’re the things that guide you on which direction you choose to follow every day. Think of them as your “how”, rather than your “what.” For example:

Value : Being healthy.
Goal : Lose 10 pounds.

Or:

Value : Being curious about work and a committed to growth.
Goal : Land a big promotion.

Values are verbs, not nouns. They’re ways of being —not finite tasks to cross off a list. Even if the GPS “recalculates,” your values keep you moving in the right direction.

Why values matter (even for the skeptics)

Still not sold? Let’s address the naysayers.

“Values are fluffy nonsense.”
Not true. Research consistently shows that people who clarify and live by their values experience greater psychological flexibility. Translation: You’ll handle life’s curveballs with less freaking out and more “I know what to do.”

“What’s the point? Life is chaotic.”
Exactly! That’s why values matter. They’re the steady rudder in life’s storm. Without them, you’re at the mercy of every passing wave—hello stress, burnout, and Netflix binges.

“I’m already living my best life.”
Great! Continue as you are. But if your daily actions don’t align with your deeper values, you might be living someone else’s idea of “best.” Time to check in.

Exercises to discover and live your values
Here’s where it gets fun (and a little uncomfortable, in a good way).

- The social media audit

Scroll through your social media accounts. Are you binging on the latest fashion but avoiding your own challenges? Or watching someone else's drama while your own projects gather dust? What we consume often reveals what we care about.

- The values opportunity

Think about what your values are. Put them down on a page and see what resonates with you and maybe ask a friend or two what they think your values are. Try living a value (like kindness) for a day. Compliment strangers, text your bro/gal, tip generously. Did it feel right? If yes, congratulations.

- The regret rewind

Think of a time you felt really off-track. What were you doing—or not doing—that clashed with your values? Flip the script: what would staying true to your values have looked like?

Why it’s worth it

Living your values doesn’t guarantee sunshine and rainbows. Some days, it’s slogging through rain because you value being healthy or biting your tongue during a meeting because you value being tolerant. But here’s the kicker: life feels real. It’s messy and beautiful, like eating tacos while walking—chaos sometimes, but worth it.

So, what’s your first step? Pick a value, live it today, and see where it takes you. Spoiler: It’s better than circling a rest stop.

One, two, three...breathe

Mon, 18 Nov 2024 23:32:25 GMT

The number one technique to improve your performance & wellbeing

by Simone, MSc Coaching Psychology

4 min read

Imagine for a moment that your life is like a movie. On a good day you might be Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible on a bad day you might be the Donkey from Shrek. Too often, we’re stuck critiquing the script, worrying about the next scene, or replaying a blooper reel from the past. Mindfulness—the kind embraced by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) —is all about stepping off the director’s chair and into the role of being fully present in the scene unfolding right now.

Let’s take a look at what mindfulness means, why it’s the ultimate technique for living well, and how you can cultivate it in practical, accessible ways.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the ability to consciously focus on the present moment with openness, curiosity, and acceptance. It’s not about zoning out or forcing yourself to “stay positive.” Or about sitting on a yoga mat for hours listening to birds chirping (though, you can do it that way if you like). Instead, mindfulness is about being present—really present—with whatever is happening, even if it’s uncomfortable.

ACT emphasizes two key aspects of mindfulness:

Being present: Anchoring yourself in the now instead of getting lost in past regrets or future worries.
Openness and acceptance: Allowing thoughts, feelings, and sensations to come and go without trying to control or judge them.

Think of mindfulness as a way to disengage the autopilot to fully engage with your life—the challenges, joys, and everything in between.

Why mindfulness matters

Life is messy, unpredictable, and full of distractions. Without mindfulness, it’s easy to get swept away by thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or feelings like frustration and fear. This mental clutter keeps us from living in alignment with our values.

Mindfulness helps you:

Reduce stress and anxiety: By stepping back from unhelpful mental loops.

Build resilience: By staying grounded, even in tough situations.
Improve relationships: By truly listening and being present with others.
Enhance wellbeing: By savoring the small, beautiful moments in life.
Perform strongly: By focusing on what really matters in the moment of performance.

In short, mindfulness is the foundation for a meaningful, values-driven life. And most elite performers practice it in one way or another.

Techniques for developing mindfulness

Ready to grow your mindfulness muscle? Here are some practical tips to get started:

1. Practice the “3-2-1 grounding technique”

When your mind starts racing, bring yourself back to the present with this quick sensory check-in:

Notice 3 things you can see around you.
Notice 2 things you can touch (and touch them!).
Notice 1 thing you can hear (even the faint ones).

This exercise helps you reconnect with your environment, pulling you out of your head and into the moment.

2. Tune into your breath

Your breath is always with you—use it as an anchor when your mind wanders. Try this simple breathing exercise:

Inhale deeply for 4 counts.
Hold your breath for 4 counts.
Exhale slowly for 4 counts.

As you breathe, notice the sensation of air entering and leaving your body. If your thoughts wander, gently guide your attention back to your breath, like herding a curious puppy.

As simple as this sounds, I can not overstate the power of this exercise. I have used this myself before big performances and I have coached others to use this technique as well. It really works.

3. Observe your thoughts, don’t wrestle them

Our mind will throw out all kinds of thoughts—some helpful, some not. Instead of fighting them, practice cognitive defusion :

Imagine each thought as a leaf floating down a stream. Watch it drift by without trying to stop or chase it and wait for the next one to appear.
Name your thought, thank your brain for the thought, and continue doing what you planned .

The goal isn’t to eliminate thoughts but to see them for what they are—just words passing through your mind.

4. Savor small moments

Mindfulness isn’t just for hippies—it’s for everyday life. Try this:

When you drink your morning coffee, notice its aroma, warmth, and taste.
During a walk, pay attention to the feeling of your feet on the ground and the sounds around you.
When eating, slow down and truly savor each bite.

These small moments of mindful presence add up, grounding you in the richness of daily life.

5. Set a “mindfulness alarm”

Pick a daily cue—a phone notification, a certain time of day, or even brushing your teeth—and use it as a reminder to pause and check in:

“What am I noticing right now?”
“What do I feel in my body?”
“What’s one thing I’m grateful for in this moment?”

Regular mindfulness check-ins help you build the habit of staying present.

Mindfulness in action: living fully in every scene

Mindfulness isn’t about changing or deleting your thoughts or feelings. It’s about showing up even when its a sh*t show and making the very most of being alive. Whether you’re facing a tough moment or savoring a joyful one, mindfulness keeps you grounded in the now, making life richer and more meaningful.

So start small, stay curious, and let mindfulness help you live the life you want—one present, purposeful moment at a time.

Ready to hit pause and step into your life? Try one tip today and see where it takes you.

Psych flex - psych what?

test@looka.com — Thu, 07 Nov 2019 13:57:40 GMT

Psychological flexibility: your superpower

by Simone, MSc Coaching Psychology

4 min read

Picture your mind as a rubber band. When life pulls on you—whether it’s stress at work, a difficult conversation, or a curveball from the universe—how far can you stretch without snapping? That’s psychological flexibility.

It’s the mental fitness that lets you adapt, stay grounded, and keep moving forward, even when things get messy. And here’s the best part: just like you can strengthen your body with exercise, you can also build your mental flexibility.

In this article, we’re diving into what psychological flexibility is, why it’s the secret ingredient for a fulfilling life, and how you can stretch your mental muscles in fun, practical ways.

What’s psychological flexibility, anyway?

Psychological flexibility is at the heart of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) , a scientifically proven approach to both high performance and living a fulfilling life . Think of it as the ability to bend with life’s challenges without breaking, staying focused on what truly matters to you. It’s not about avoiding hard stuff; it’s about moving through it with purpose and grace.

We have interpreted ACT's evidence into three core processes:

Open up: Saying, “Hey, feelings! Come hang out,” instead of slamming the door on them. Seeing your thoughts as what they are (just words) instead of what they pretend to be (facts). That is, making space for uncomfortable feelings, thoughts and experiences instead of fighting them.
Stay focused: Focusing on the game in front of you instead of the one in your head. Viewing yourself as the observer of your experience, not just the person caught in the storm.
Do what matters: Knowing what you’re fighting for and taking meaningful steps towards your goals even when it is tough.

Together these moves help you navigate life’s chaos and improve your performance (if that's your thing) and live a fulfilling life.

Why does psychological flexibility matter?

Imagine a tree in a storm. A rigid tree might snap under the pressure, but a flexible one bends with the wind, staying rooted even as it sways. That’s the power of psychological flexibility—it helps you weather life’s storms.

Studies show that people with higher psychological flexibility are less likely to get stuck in anxiety, depression, and stress. They’re better at bouncing back from setbacks, connecting with others, and pursuing what truly matters. The high performers we have met all practice elements of this approach in their lives, and so an added bonus is that being psychologically flexible helps you perform.

How to build your psychological flexibility

Just like physical flexibility, psychological flexibility takes practice. Here are three exercises to get you started:

1. Practice mental stretching

When a difficult thought or feeling shows up, try this:

Picture it as a cloud drifting by in the sky.
Remind yourself: “This is a feeling. It’s okay to feel this way.”
Take a deep breath and stretch your perspective. What else is true in this moment?

The goal isn’t to make the feeling disappear—it’s to give yourself space to move around it.

2. Be kind to your inner critic

Your inner critic (you know the one, the little person who tells you, you are not good enough) is like an overprotective friend who doesn’t know when to quit. Instead of arguing with it, try this:

Thank it for trying to help (“Thanks for looking out for me”).
Redirect your focus to something constructive, like taking a small action aligned with your values.

Being kind to your inner critic doesn’t mean agreeing with it; it means not letting it run the show.

3. Take tiny, brave steps

You don’t have to tackle life’s challenges all at once. Focus on the smallest action you can take today to move closer to your goals.

Want to improve your health? Start with a 5-minute walk.
Facing a tough decision? Write down your options and take one small step toward clarity.

Each step, no matter how small, strengthens your psychological flexibility.

Final thoughts: strengthen your flexibility, strengthen your life

Life will always have its storms—moments that stretch, challenge, or even shake you. But with psychological flexibility, you can weather those storms with strength and purpose, staying rooted in what matters most.

So, next time life tugs at your rubber band, take a breath, stretch your mind and remind yourself: you can bend without breaking.

Start small, stay curious, and keep growing. Your flexible, thriving self is waiting!